


Memories of home

by Confused_Gull



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Feels, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Homesickness, Hurt/Comfort, I promise they're fine though, M/M, they'll get through it together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:00:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26971798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Confused_Gull/pseuds/Confused_Gull
Summary: It's been so long since he went back.  Somewhere during the time he moved on to take up volleyball professionally the longing for home caught up to him. The memories of home that once made him happy, suddenly hurt more than anything he'd ever experienced. Yet only that pain and longing made him realise that maybe, home wasn't a place but a feeling, and maybe even a person.Maybe he didn't have to go back to a home cause home may as well already be with him.
Relationships: Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35
Collections: SunaOsa Week 2020





	Memories of home

**Author's Note:**

> Hc that Osamu smiles a lot, just not around everyone. He smiles big bright smiles during practice when his serve goes particularly well and cooking. The whole of Inarizaki has seen him smile at least once. He smiles at Tsumu when they play games at home, his parents, or when anyone compliments him. He usually smiles the most at Rin, but when in matches at Stadiums and stuff he doesn't. He feels like they don't deserve it, like Atsumu, he has the "stop squealing you pigs" reaction when someone says "Omg so you can smile!"
> 
> Atsumu is out and open to everyone, Osamu is out and open to few peeps, yet they are the same. [If ya wanna know more about how I view their relationship go read my other fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26779132), it's not the best but it was the most I could get out and word vomit in a way that approximately covers what I think of their dynamic.

Its been so long since he went back home.

Ever since he joined the professional team, he came back everyday to the EJP dorms and called Osamu, which was the closest thing he could ever get to it.

He knew what it had meant to take up volleyball professionally. 

He knew how far it would be far from "home". He knew the amount of hardwork he would have to put in. The care he would have to take care of body to keep it in tip top condition. How much he was putting on the line to live off his passion. He knew all the pros and cons. He took it all into consideration, done all the paperwork, gotten everything right and got in on the team. 

Yet..

Here he was sitting, on the bedroom floor in his dorm room, phone in one hand and the other furiously wiping away the tears streaming down his face. 

He didn't know what happened. He remembered coming home, drinking water in his kitchenette and then coming to the bedroom. Sure he'd been feeling a bit homesick he could say. His bed had been messy, so he sat on the floor, he had been scrolling through his phone, after looking at social media and all, he went to his gallery, looking back at all his memories of Hyogo, pics of Inarizaki, years of blackmail on the twins, of his parents and him, the last one he took before leaving, pics of Osamu and him on their dates.

He found one of the last pics he took with 'Samu before he had left for the team, they looked so happy when they'd gone to that botanical garden together that morning. He'd stared and stared at the picture, remembering every detail of that day, how they'd spoken to each other. Osamu smiled big and bright at him the whole day, saying he didn't want his last day at home to be sad, and suddenly as those words echoed in his head, there were tears streaming down his face.

He never realised how much he would miss everything from back home and how much he held it in till now. He didn't realise how pent up he had been over so long. He never gave himself the time to adjust, to move not only physically but mentally. He immediately put his everything into volleyball. He didn't want to lose his chance at playing in the league or even leave an option for that. There was too much at stake for him. His mind so filled with volleyball and the uncertainties of life, he'd put so much thought into everything that somewhere between training, practices and his matches, he forgot about himself.

Now it finally caught up. Coming back to him full force. It felt like a bucket of cold water was poured over him. He missed everyone so much. 

He missed Osamu so much. 

He missed home.

The memories just kept rushing back.

The konbini Osamu, the rest of the team and he would frequent. The river that ran near the school where Osamu and he had their first date. The arcade where he damn near always beat Atsumu at their games. Aran's favourite bookshop from where they would buy manga and look up old volleyball magazines for the aesthetic. Kita-san's Boba shop, which he would always recommend whenever the team wanted to go out regardless of the occasion. The back of the school, where the wall was low enough to hop over and go to the ice cream parlor with Kosaku and return before the lecture ended. How Akagi and he would without fail everyday would try their best to beat one another to the club room just to see Kita-san first and wish him, betting on who would get together with who in the school band. The second floor staircase where they would gather to sit and catch up on home and classwork, or just hang around at.

He choked on sobs, putting the phone down wiping his tears on his jacket sleeves. He felt his throat closing up, coughing to get his breathing undercontrol between hiccups and sobs. The memories didn't stop still.

How Osamu would wrap tape on his fingers before games, would rest his head on his lap during breaks. How his body was always warm, and everytime he rest his head on the Samu's shoulder he would fall asleep. When Osamu would run his hands through his hair, pushing it back whenever he ate from the bentos he made for the both of them. His touch that always lingered just a tad longer after he touched him. How pats on the back, high fives and hugs would feel just a bit warmer than anyone else. God he missed everything, he missed him so much.

He would give anything to go back home right this instance. To be able to throw everything and run back. To hold Osamu against his chest and eat from his hand. To go home and sleep in his childhood room. To chat with his mother in the kitchen or with his dad in the living room about volleyball. Hell, he would even go out to the country side to meet Kita-san. A reunion with Inarizaki back in their old club room, play volleyball with them, prepare for inter-high tournaments, visit the band clubroom to discuss their styles and game plans... he can't bring himself to think about it anymore. 

Everything hurt, he'd cried too much, his jacket sleeves soaked while tears, and snot still ran down his face. He felt like a child all over again. It was so stupid. He was a grown ass man, why was he crying like this?

Osamu was still on duty. He couldn't disturb him right now. He suddenly felt a breeze from the open window and realised he was feeling cold as well, he needed to get his head clear. He'd call Osamu, he'd understand right?

He got up, taking his jacket off and shivering at how much colder the room felt all of a sudden. It was pretty empty, save for a few things scattered about, it was lifeless, as if no-one has lived in it. It felt like and was the stark opposite of home. 

Home was where the place always had a sense of warmth to it, some noise or the other, voices always echoing from the kitchen or hall, smell of food wafting around the place mixing with the light scent of the flowers that grew in the garden.

Home was when he would sit with the rest of Inarizaki against the club room walls before and after practices, drinking water and chatting, when someone or the other would run down to that one konbini to buy snacks or ice pops, the crinkling of chip packets and crushing of empty juice bottles and the sound they made when thrown into trash cans, when they would run around splashing each other with water from their bottles or hose pipes like middle schoolers. When the sound of boisterous laughter rang around the room with the squeaking of shoes and volleyballs everywhere. The smell of the disinfectant Kita-san used in the washrooms and Salonpas that just never went away and even lingered on their clothes after washing.

Home was the piles of jackets and bags on hillsides and arcade floors, it was the sticky notes passed in class during lectures and messages over text between and after school. It was the smiles and inside jokes between only their group, it was laughing at others who just didn't get it. It was the feeling that was passed between high fives and pats on the back, scolding from senpais and awe form kouhais, smirks and glares on courts and between classes, it was the pranks they played and arguments they had, it hid in late night texts asking for homework answers and chits during exams, behind notebooks among the little squiggles and doodles at the back of each other's notebooks. It seemed to live in the locker rooms and behind school buildings, in the store rooms and washrooms, it always seemed to be everywhere when he was at "home", then why wasn't it here? This was home too right?

Only then Suna realised, home was never a place, but it was a feeling.

He had Komori and Washio and the rest of EJP, they were teammates and friends, a new family of his.....but still, it wasn't home, atleast not the one he knew. Not the one he had grown so fond of, not the one he missed so badly right now. Maybe they would be able to someday, to be called a home; but it would not, it could never, take the place of Inarizaki. Their school motto was pretty shitty now that he remembers Kita's words. 

Who needs memories? 

Well, he did. 

It was all he had, lying alone on his room floor.

His current team knew him as Suna Rintarou, player for the EJP raijin. 

They had gone out together for team bonding. He knew everyone personally and they knew him as well. But that's as far as it went, it all felt surface level. Sure Komori and Washio had seen him in highschool and at camps and competitions, they stuck together quite alot, but even so.

Inarizaki had a deeper impact on him, for those 3 years, they shaped into the person he is today, in ways he never understood.

Inarizaki didn't know him as just Suna Rintarou, they knew him as the smug middle blocker with the bendy waist, the guy who near always fell asleep during class but still passed, who always recorded the twins anttics and had blackmail on everyone except Kita, Aran and Akagi. He who has the uncanny ability to have 3 cups of coffee in a single sitting and still be sleepy. The guy who would cry at chick flicks and stop to pet both cats and dogs on the middle of the street even if they hissed or barked at him, simultaneously looking like a delinquent yet being loved by the old folk around his hometown. The guy who can and will help you get your snacks out the vending machine if they get stuck. Who always fell for the tape on the door or bucket over the door trick; who knows the best places to buy cheap ramen and tamogayaki. Who needed to be reminded to bandage his fingers before matches and to straighten his back and not slouch. Who made fun of the hand thing he did while playing and called him out on his bullshit.

They knew him for far more than what he thought he was. The person who was so much more than just a volleyball player to them, more than an asset. They knew him as a teammate, a family and a friend. The sibling they never had, the friend they wish they had met sooner. The teammate who would support and adapt themselves to help bring out the best in you.

Osamu had been even closer to him. He loved him. He got through to Suna when no one else, not even himself, could get through. Who would make him feel loved not with words but with actions, from linking pinkies, to bandaging fingers. He was like a pillar to support Suna. The only person who could help him right now, who could ground him.

The feelings of longing that had built up these past months finally hit him.

He needed to talk to someone, anyone. Osamu would listen to him though, right?

He should message him at least.

To: Samu❤️  
>> Osamu are u free right now?

He knew that Osamu was busy but he missed him as well right? He still cared about Suna right? His phone buzzed in his hand.

[Incoming call: Samu❤️]

He seen the incoming call, pausing briefly in shock before picking it up, and immediately being bombarded with worried questions, " How're ya feelin'? Are ya okay? D'ya need me t' come ov'r or send 'tsumu?"

He was taken aback at the sudden questions.

The man sighed at the other end of the call as if reading his mind, " Rin, ya've ne'er called me Osamu ov'r text before, 'course I'm worried." He could hear the worry Osamu's voice. He could hear Osamu.

Osamu still cared about him. 

He knew Osamu did, but his thoughts just spiraled out of control and went haywire in the mess. He thought Osamu might have been busy or doing something important and he disturbed him, he missed home so much all of a sudden, the feeling of losing everything thing suddenly weighting down on him. He thought leaving home all of a sudden not only meant giving up his life in Hyogo but his everything else too, but, listening to Osamu, even if over the phone brought tears to his eyes whivh he tried getting rid off all over again. He sat on his sofa in the hall and cried.

" I miss you-" he sobbed, bringing his knees to his chest and curling up into himself. 

" Oh Rin....wait lemme get the door and I'll video call ya, want to see ya so bad. I've missed ya so much too." He could keys opening a door, "Sometimes I wanna close up shop and go to ya. Everytime I get up I wish to see you at my side, want to kiss you goodmorning and goodbye and when I come back kiss you again. Want t' beable to greet ya when I come home and go on dates with ya again. Wish I could see you in my shop waiting for me."

It was nice hearing Osamu's thoughts, he usually kept silent on what he thought, days like these were rare, but Sjna wasn't complaining.

Osamu continued, "The other day one o' ma employee's girlfriend sat waiting for him in shop and I wished it was you. I want to be able to cook for ya and pack bentos for you like in school. God I would kill to just hold your hand now."

The tears had died down finally but hearing Osamu say such sweet words melted his heart and brought some of them back. But this time they weren't sad tears, he didn't mind them.

Sometimes he forgets that Osamu loves him back, not because he didn't say he loved him but from the fact that this man who seen him grow over the years and hadn't left his side no matter his decisions, who lived so far away would ever love a man, who was a loser, like him. He smiled.

He was a nobody if not for volleyball, yet everytime Osamu spoke to him, even when they bickered or taunted each other, there was always that underlying adoration and love laced in Osamu's tone, he acted like Suna had placed the stars at his feet for him and who was he to not reciprocate?

" You never say such sweet things ya know... I missed your voice.. miss you.. miss everything back home.." his voice was a bit rough, he felt tired. He wanted to go to sleep and wake up at home, Osamu hugging him and carding his hands through his hair while kissing him. He felt like he was forgetting how it was when Osamu would touch him; warmth was the only thing that came to mind.

" Yeah I don't want to make ya sad. It's already tough. I know how it must be, to be so far from home and all, practice doesn't let y'all up as well. Tsumu calls to complain and cry everyday as well."

" He crys?" He ask, Atsumu always was the more emotional one, he remembers the other crying with him on team movie nights. They cried the most during graduation as well...

He could hear the sad smile in Osamu's voice, " Yeah he sure does. But that's not the point. Wait. Hold on, I'm switching the camera on."

He seen Osamu's face show up on screen. 

" Hey..." He stares at Osamu, still in his uniform, Onigiri Miya cap still on his head. He looked so cute with it.

" Hey...have you eaten anything?" Of course he'd ask about food first. Suna smiled at that, some things never changed.

" No..I'm going to though I think, maybe now that you're here. Did you already eat at the shop?"

" No. I'd thought the same." Osamu put the phone down on his counter, there was a small package with the shop logo.

" Can we eat later though. I want to talk with you a while longer, I'm not.....not sure how to feel. It's cold and....sad. it feels empty everywhere but on court. That's the only place that feels like home, feels like I know what I'm doing. That I have something to do, gives me a reason to stay but when I'm back or on days of I can't do anything, there's no distraction and I realise exactly how quiet and lonely it is and and I just, I try but I can't-" he feels his throat close up, the tears and crying threatening to start again.

Osamu takes over, "Shh, yeah I get what you mean. It's okay I'm here right," he thinks he sees the shimer of tears in Osamu's eyes, maybe it's the light... " I know you're not hungry Rin but you had practice the whole day, you need to get something in you. It...hurts so much seeing you like this. If I didn't have work, if I could support the both of us...but you love volleyball and I get it... Anyways, how long have you been crying? I know you usually do the talking, but how about I do it today instead?" Osamu rubs his eyes with the back of his hand, Suna doesn't mention it.

He took a deep breath and calmed his nerves, letting Osamu's voice ground him and pull the warmth from those words as much as he could, " Yeah, I'd like that, want to hear your voice more." He wiped his eyes and got up, heading to his kitchenette.

" What are you going to eat?" 'Samu asked.

" I have some, I think ramen, rice, vegetables....I'm tired I'll just make some noodles and tea later" he looked through the cabinets and fridge, he'd have to go shopping later.

Osamu smiled softly at him.  
" Sure, as long as you eat something. I got some onigiri from the shop, wish I could feed ya something proper."

Suna smiled at that. Osamu sometimes would feed him whatever he was eating it never failed to shock Atsumu who loved to mention that even when they were kids Osamu wouldn't share his food.

" Promise when I visit you will?"

" Yes, always. Won't let ya eat on yer own at home ever, when yer 'ere. Call and tell yer parents before ya come. I won't let ya leave home at all"

" Home, huh?" He turned the kettle on to boil.

" Wherever yer, I'll call that home." Osamu replied confidently while smiling.

He smiled softly. Home it was.

" Love you 'samu." His heart melts for the man he adores.

" Me too Rin, now come on, let's eat dinner together."

**Author's Note:**

> I know it seems like Rin cried a bit TOO much but I just didn't know how else to put it, I might have been projecting but not quite sure, just as my pen name suggest I'm confused as FUCK; anywho I drew a pic thought of that as the pic that broke Rin. I'll link it in a bit(still painting lmao I'll make another tweet) I'm still practicing, haven't got the chance to paint anything in a long time, t'was nice to finally hold my brushes in my hand and just go to town, yee haw, but if y'all got any critique or anything send it over, got alot of class and stress bout my future and family issues so I haven't been able to study my art. As it is not my major or career choice so I'm winging it.
> 
> Sorry for long note.(๑•﹏•) Anyways...
> 
> Thank you for reading❤️ 
> 
> Comments, Kudos and most of all critique, are appreciated.
> 
> Take care of yourselves and don't forget to stay hydrated peeps. (づ￣ ³￣)づ
> 
> Toodles,  
> Confused_Gull.
> 
> P.S:[Come chat on twitter✨](https://mobile.twitter.com/confused_gull?lang=en)
> 
> [Art I finally got around to doing](https://twitter.com/Confused_Gull/status/1315968405195767808?s=19)


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